Who am I?
Somebody well known monster looking at itself in the mirror and sees something unexpected.... taken from gelbooru
Who am I? Lately I have been focusing on this ancient philosophical question. The ancient Greeks asked this question together with questions like "what am I?" and "why am I here?". However unlike the Greek I think of me as myself instead of all humans and I think of the who question only.
It all started a few days ago when Meimi132 posted an AQ test. Turns out this test claimed I have Asperger's syndrome. This made me think because I guy I once worked with for a few years once said "I saw a documentary on TV last night about Asperger's syndrome and I kept thinking about you all the time" and he isn't the only one to say stuff like that. I did some research and learned that the diagnosis is basically some groups of statements and if a certain number of statements fits in each group, then the person has Asperger's. I found such a test and... well the statements looked sort of familiar ^^;
Long story short I fit more than the minimum number of statements. I have been thinking a whole lot about this and ended up with... well I am who I am. I'm no different from a week ago (before the test) but then came the new question. If I am who I am, then who am I? I read that people with Asperger's are often clumsy in social gatherings and conversations without realising it. The part about not realising it is the one which scares me D:
So my question to you guys are:
I read that talking without realising the listener aren't interested is an issue. The same is a different sense of humour. I noticed once that I got a feedback like "why do you have to spoil a perfectly good joke" and I still fail to see the funny part. I considered it cruel (which I stated). I also failed to get the feedback I expected when posting Electrical Hotpantsu. At the same time people often respond positively on witty remarks in Puchi Blurbs and I have been scribed as "being able to be a real comedian when I'm in the mood to do so". This (for me) unpredictable result on jokes confuses me.
Now that I'm aware that my mind is possibly even further away from the rest of you than I realised I really value your opinion on this issue. I hope you will be honest about this (without insulting/flaming) as it's really important to me.
[UPDATE] Looks like people think quite positively about me, though unique is a word used more than once. I have come to the conclusion, which is to do as I have done so far, which is to just be myself. The scary scenario where I risk annoying everybody seems to be far from what actually happens. Thanks for helping me realise this.
I'm not good with things about people, but one thing that stands out about you from your comments here on Figure.fm is how involved you are. Your comments usually add some interesting point as well.
I scored highly on that test too... >_> But, given my feelings on people in general, it's not surprising.
like waht tha marshmellow says: you are involved and that's good; I talk too much sometimes and people have said to me that I tend to "take over" if given tha opportunity. no, you talk O.K. in my books and I likes you witty comments!! bookindian gives tha GOLD STAR for participation!!
I notice your comments alot and have some things I wanted to say but didn't because it probably wouldn't change anything and I may get stabbed at (by words).
You seem very intelligent. But sometimes you can be a bit too critical or harsh. More like too real actually. Your tastes and sense of humor is also unique.
This is the part I feared. Being unable to tell when people consider your statements harsh. Imagine you walk up to somebody and says something polite and then they get upset because you insulted them. If only I could realise when this would happen >_<
As for the humour. Well writing a bad joke is not the worst thing that can happen. It will likely be ignored. However I kind of feel bad when I upset people by spoiling jokes...
From what I've seen, your comments are relevant, and you don't feel the need to censor yourself. When the thread was going on about the girl's suicide blog, you said a lot of things that I agreed with but wouldn't have the guts to say on a public forum. I've only talked to you in one thread, the Yotsubox thread, but I really enjoyed getting to converse with you! You're very knowledgeable and passionate about the subjects we discussed, so I don't think you behave rudely or weirdly or write too much.
Nobody else had clearly said it at that time and the issue was too important to not say it. Somebody had to say it since the alternative was not to say it and then weak minds in a bad phase of life could get the wrong idea.
Yes I find some your replies somewhat rude, though it's never weird..
D'oh I should have elaborated more..
So okay your comments are kind of rude at times but then again I've seen worse and is out of place.. I said rude because of the way you construct your sentences. They are at times harsh, plain and simple.
I don't find you as weird, the right word would be 'different' and bout your comments being lengthy.. I think it's quite alright since it's always nice to read someone else's point of view.
Bottom line, your okay as you are though try to be a less harsh..
In order words: I should try to figure out when people think I'm harsh since I'm not aware that I am >_<
I could remember a topic talking bout one's blog..
You said it was uninteresting and boring.. Boring is such a strong word, you could've replaced it instead with "doesn't suit my tastes" or something close. ;D
Good point. However at least at the time I didn't know how else to say that I would assume that nobody would be repeated visitors without any changes and at the time I actually considered my feedback to be a help since I stated why it wouldn't work. I considered spotting something like that without saying anything to be kind of rude as it leaves people with the hope that it would work and leave the clueless to why it doesn't. I didn't really think of how I said it at the time, only what I was saying.
Clearly I need to consider this stuff more.
I don't know if I would take Arein's words to heart... he seems to get offended easily from my interactions with him, or at least he takes some comments a little too seriously.
My interactions with you have been pleasant so far.
Nope. That will drive you insane, and make you question your every move.
That was a one time thing and I deleted the topic itself.. =P No need to get touchy bout it..
I will admit, your comments/posts can tend to be a bit lengthy. That being said, I don't particularly see it as a bad thing. If anything, It shows you put allot into what goes into your comments/posts. It takes a certain talent to put together a long post and keep it on target, which is a skill you clearly show. I don't think I could do something like that, which may be apparent in this comment ^^;. Your comments also show that you are an intellectual. You provide a different point of view on things, and have opinions that change how people look at something.
As for acting weird, I think it's good to be weird. You certainly are a unique individual, and I applaud that. Being unique is nothing you should be discouraged about, you should almost be happy to be able to think different than everybody else. Accept the fact you have Asperger's Syndrome, and just learn to live. Too often I see people who are diagnosed with something like this and automatically think "I'm no good" or "I can't do anything" or "I can never do this because I have this (a disorder)". Never think that you are no good just because you have Asperger's Syndrome.
Hope my random blabbering was of any help ^^.
I have always been unique and I know it. Looking at how "regular" people behaves with new girlfriend several times a year and drinking then I'm happy to be unique Ok, I know quite a lot of people aren't like that, but that's the kind of people I think of when I want to be happy to be unique ^^
I went though all that this weekend and then I ended up the fact that I am who I am and that's it. Next step was to figure out how "people with brains working differently" would view me and that's my goal here. I don't want to be an annoying freak and if everybody would think that then I would have to do something about it. One solution would be becoming a hermit living my own life away from everything, but I would prefer not to -_^
If you have friends that care about you and are willing to defend you, then you're not an annoying freak. The people who care about you are those that you need to please.
Good question. It's something that a lot of people always ponder with their lives.
Well I hope I'm not such a broken record of suspicion but I'm going to say this topic wise I hope. As my friend effortly gave his last words to his parents, he said this:
"What you really are is something you really hate."
A lot of people had supressed sides and secrets. Denying them meant denying the truth in you. I realized this as much as time passes by. Or perhaps my friend said it because he was to hurt or something that lead him to his last day. But the fact that he said that sentence made me cross path of something in my mind. If what you hate is the true self, then maybe hopes, dreams, inspirations, and determination are nothing but falsehood. I still had this thinking up to now. Well the main point is, truth is something that man has chosen and something that is painful. Within the forest of fog truth is a pain that occurs in each step in search for a way out. And that way out is truth itself, the new chapter in life. If one has died within the forest of fog, the journey is left beaten to the absolute end.
But at the back of my mind, maybe my friend gave up. But geez, sorry if I said so much. I got too serious about this topic. >o<
Oh, I forgot about what I can say about you honestly. Since I'm new here and I have not know you enough, Maybe I can say this:
People are people. You are you.
I hope this comment helps so that you can reflect on yourself honestly. But again as mentioned earlier, I apologize if this comment offends you. ^^
This is likely the most serious topic I have ever written about here. I would prefer everybody to be serious ^^
I didn't even consider it like that and I'm not going to do so ^^
Well it depends on the person's understanding. But according to my analysis, some people who aimed high and gave their all with faith, hope, and determination ended up falling rock bottom and receiving the opposite. even it is something that manifests in the physical or something that is within them. ^^
you are looking too much into it dude. dont worry too much. nobody is perfect.
afaik, your posts are lengthy since you explain in detail. and you have a wealth of knowledge, so its good to read your posts.
also, its hard to make out if anyone is rude through reading the text alone. can anyone make out in which tone i'm writing this? am i angry, mad, sad, or writing with a calm mind? imo, a line of text can be deciphered differently by different people.
take this sentence for example: "What are you doing?"
how you interpret it, is based on which state of mind you are. if you are agitated you will interpret it being rude and you will feel angry. if calm, it will look as just another question.
and dont worry about what anyone says about you. you cant please anyone. i tried that and failed a lot in reality.
Be who you are, not what others want you to be. take this as advice from another friend.
That's easy for you to say. It's not you who have to live in a world where people think different from what you ever imagined :P
But sometimes people who say mean things to you can sometimes be the best and honest critic to you. ^^
That's usually what I'm thinking. You can't trust positive feedback if people lie and says positive stuff to you when they think it sucks. When people says it's bad when it's bad, then you can assume that it's good if they say it's good. I consider the "false positive" to be a misunderstood gesture.
whenever a person says i did great on the things i do, I dont believe them. Looking at the mirror and convincing yourself to be great on everything you wished to do is just plain self deceiving.
I disagree. I say it's possible to do great. It's not common to do great, but it is possible. Doing great regarding everything... that's highly unlikely.
well that proves we have different views. But fret not, atleast this gives us a healthy understanding to one another towards this healthy topic. I hope you make other serious topics in the future. count me in! ^^
BTW, im happy that this post made me feel lighter. thank you.
Hey this is all about making me feel better. You can make your own "I want to feel better" post instead of hijacking mine :P
nah rather not....since you started it, you do it! LOL! XD
Ok, I can make a similar post to figure out if having some sort of syndrome is good or bad for you. Not knowing your issues I think I will go with Morris syndrome XD
I took the test and got a 22. Its not super high but supposedly it is higher than average takers. I think what it means is that you dont like people too much. Not a big deal.
Id comment on your comments but I dont read comments too often so I dont exactly recognize people on here. Sorry. :/
Since I'm always monitoring the community to raise flags. It came to a time that I'd notice you & trying to understand how you would comment. Most of the time you would elaborate your explanation in detailed manner, it showed that you are "involved" in the topic & there's no problem to that.
Although you are voicing out your own opinion, not everyone will view it the same way & some might view it otherwise (offensive). I think after reading your comment a few times & thinking from your point of view, one could finally understand what you meant, literally. You had already known that not everyone could always understand you, if they do not give in their time.
If I were to end up in a healthy debate, I'll find great pleasure to deal with a person like you openly.
Like what Danny always quoted:
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody" - Bill Cosby.
You are definitely not a norm, you are Highly Intelligent & Unique ;-)
.
I'm completely aware of this and it's not like I will change myself. I am what I am and it's take it or leave it.
My point is more like I know I can get hurt if people insult me, specially if it happens for no reason. I don't want to be a jerk doing that to other people without realising it myself. I really don't want to treat other people in a way I don't want them to treat me.
That's what a debate is all about. However a debate is about a topic and should be about the topic only. Moving to a personal level is no good. As I once said DC should be a place where you go "oh no, not him again. He is so mean towards me".
I have been thinking about this. Do I really write something which needs to be read more than once to be understood? I try to write precise and to the point, which I consider easier to read. If people have problems reading that then it's an issue.
Sometimes it's hard to tell (especially online) how one's comments maybe interpreted. I'm sure I've offended people sometimes even though I meant no malice. I don't always read the comments but I've noticed that you are opinionated and knowledgeable on certain subjects and that's a good thing. I think it's good to have people who have their own opinion and aren't afraid to express them as long as they aren't intentionally stepping on toes. As far as Asperger's, it seems to be the new buzz word lately in the media. It seems based on their criteria anyone could potentially have it. If you're a bit obsessive-compulsive, socially-awkward, etc, etc... I'm certainly no expert but I don't know if taking online tests would be a good measure of whether or not you have Asperger's to begin with. Even if you did, it certainly wouldn't mean you couldn't have a normal life with meaningful relationships. I think the most important thing is that you don't make this a burden on your life. Even if you are a bit different, that isn't a bad thing.
The test itself claims not to be able to tell that. It's just "for fun", though it can give an indication. I combined it with previous indications and wanted to investigate further as at that point I had no way to tell either way. The test I used were one I found at a forum for people with Asperger's to tell what Asperger's is. Basically somebody decided that the best description would be strait to the point, which is somebody, who fits the test. The alternative to use this one could be to spend ages going through the health system and eventually end up with the same test. Besides I wouldn't trust the "real" test without all the other indications, including descriptions of typical behaviour and issues I found while researching this. Remember I spend days researching this to be sure.... and in a way I'm still not sure.... oh and suspecting to have Asperger's even before Meimi132 posted anything is also a hint ^^
Mostly I can't say anything more when you reply to some of my comments, sometimes it made me can't think for a moment..
Usually I noticed when you do comment in a post, you tend to reply to a lot of the comments and they are at times, lengthy. I know you like to quote us for the point you're going to reply to, though it's not really necessary to quote people all the time. Honestly I prefer comments to be short/ summarised or straight to the point but it's not wrong at all to elaborate at times when you want it.
I can be short and strait to the point if I want to (in fact I have problems not doing that). I tend to quote people if they said more than one thing. If somebody came with say 4 statements then the reply is easier to read if people can see which statement I reply to. If there is only one then it's of little use to quote -_^
I know a friend who's got Asperger's Syndrome. In my opinion, I think that sometimes these things are overrated, and psychs just want to label everything so they can charge you money for therapy and push you pills.
But truth is, Asperger's is quite real. Though there is a difference between someone who's got Asperger's, and someone who's just a bit of a shut-in/has little socializing experience.
In all honesty, it's not easy for the average person to read what someone's thinking, or whether or not what you said is offensive. Especially on the internet. We ALWAYS offend people on the net, there's no way around it. Whatever you say, SOMEBODY will not agree with you. Don't take that too seriously.
Of all the comments here yours are like the one which makes the most sense to me, but I guess it wouldn't have unless I read the others first... hard to tell.
Either way I have decided to just be myself and continue to do just like I have always done stuff.
That pleases me surprisingly much is the fact that you have a friend who has Asperger's. In a way it restores my faith in finding decent "normal" people. The friends I have had in the past years have all been some fellow students at uni, which is ok by itself. However it haven't been ideal and I will tell about one specific guy. We started working together in a group and did assignments and reports together. Eventually it wouldn't make sense to take the same courses anymore and that was it. He never called or returned phonecalls or anything. Turned out that this guy had used me to get higher grades than he could get on his own. Thinking back on what happened made me realise that he was so obsessed with high grades that he looked at all gradelists to spot who got high grades and made note of it in order to know who to work together with. I was likely targeted because I manage to come out of the blue, not knowing anybody to work together with and I got an A in math. Ideal target for a plan like that.
Basically most people I met at uni turned out to behave like that. Once we passed the courses he had together then I was nothing to them. While we worked together and they could benefit from it, some people even tried to buy me by providing me gifts and stuff. I realised this but couldn't do anything about it because I wasn't allowed to work on my own and at least those guys didn't want to sabotage the report "because they knew how to make it right". I had a huge fight with a guy, who knew everything and eventually I went to the professor and requested to be split from that guy. We had a meeting the 3 of us and he (my grouppartner) tried to start a fight by stating that I never did anything and didn't understand anything. The professor then gave special permission to fulfil my wish to hand in a report of my own and I ended up with a good grade (A- or something) while the other one failed. Good thing I didn't accept him to write his report and add my name to it.
Now I know why that university is the one with the highest suicide rate in the country. The exam system encourage students to screw each other like that. Luckily this is a thing of the past for me :D
Now you have given me faith in "normal" people again as I can tell it is possible to find friends, who will not exploit you and backstab you for their own benefit.
You are fine dude. The way I see it you are just being yourself. Now if someone gets offended by your comments they should let you know about it (that is why the comments section are here) now if they don't then that is it but if they do then you need to respond accordingly.
Now about you writing to much again that is fine it shows that you are thinking about things and actually validating them in your mind instead of just typing something immaturely like someone up there (yup I read all the comments and that is a lot of reading!)!
Enjoy life man!
I completely agree. I guess I was just a bit confused at first when I read that I might insult everybody without realising it and generally behave weird. Now I'm back to my old self again ^^
Ok, I have had some time to think about this and research the topic. I spent like $120 on quality books because I didn't feel like possibly changing my view on life and the world based on free online resources.
I have a way better understanding of what this is all about now and well... I say that there is a lot of truth to it, but at the same time this is an area researched by psychiatrists and I do not agree with all their conclusions. I will make up a small fictional story to illustrate what I mean
Now let's look at this story with the eyes of a psychiatrist.
John has an obsession about collecting items and knowledge about a specific topic (in this case K-ON!). He is quite happy about his knowledge and collection. He is upset when his collection "malfunctions" (is out of place or similar).
This all describes symptoms of having Asperger's Syndrome. On the other hand Bob knows that messing up the collection will upset John and he does it just to upset John is regarded as "normal".
So far so good, but here is where the line snaps for me. "Normal" is ok, while Asperger's is an issue, which should be treated with therapy. Bob's actions are ok while John should learn that he is the one with the issue because he is a collector and it upsets him if his collection is out of place.
To make it even worse let's say that Bob have a history of messing up the collection, or even worse: breaking stuff in the collection. This will naturally make John anxious and anti-anxiety drugs is possibly the best solution in order to try to make John more "normal". Stating that his fear of Bob could be valid and wanting to avoid Bob after such incidents appears not to be "normal".
I think the whole issue kind of looks like "you are different and being different is wrong by definition". If you want to be different by say reading facts instead of fiction and you are being bullied because of this, then I say the issue/wrongdoing is with the bullies, not the guy reading different books. We would come a long way if psychiatrists could accept that being different is not the same as having issues.
Another note. I noticed that people still read this post, yet nobody commented in a long time. For the record I will read future comments too so if anybody have anything to say, then say it. "It's a waste of time because nobody will read it anyway" isn't valid in this case ^^