The Worth of an Otaku in Japan
There is a hot topic now in Sankaku Complex involving a lady questioning her own worth as she just realized she's dating an otaku boyfriend. She posted a notice on a Japanese Help Wanted forum that goes something like this:
“He’s 4 years younger than me, he’s boy-faced and really cute, takes care of his hair and clothes – he’s stylish.
He would talk about music, movies, the latest trends, and knew all about them; he was captivating so it was a natural choice to date him. With a younger boyfriend who’s really cute, every day was full of happiness for me.
After 3 months, his true self emerged. He’s an otaku.
Like the sort you’d see at Akihabara. He doesn’t look it, but he’s into anime and cosplay. I think he even goes to their events.
And on his desktop wallpaper he has gross anime pictures – pink and purple haired miko.
When I saw this, I was so shocked, I thought I’d cry!
He’s stylish and was introduced to me by a friend, but after finding out his true nature I’m really afraid people might think I’m the same. I wish he’d told me at the start he was an otaku.
I don’t have much experience of romance, I feel anxious about these things. And I have been wondering about marriage lately too.
My boyfriend is kind, I love him. But if my friends found out about him I get the impression I’d lose worth in their eyes.
Are women dating otaku worth less?”
"Don't give a damn to what others say" is a fine and dandy principle that I too believe in, but staying in Tokyo for some time made me realize that an average Japanese would think that to live a life amidst all the condemnation is easier said than done. Image is everything here, and otakus do not really carry the best image out here. Can you truly blame the lady for it?
I've posted my own thoughts on the matter in my blog, reflecting on the Japanese emphasis on visual culture, but I would love to know what you guys think of all this.
All this sure reminds you of a certain girl, doesn't it? Like Saki from Genshiken!
nice and interesting topic. Although the right thing for her to do is to accept him for what he is than to what he WAS, majority of the world would go for the usual trend. They always think of otakus as worthless to be with.
In all honesty, Otakus are much more than just what they think. They can do things more than anyone else can't. This woman is torn in between. If she accepts him for who he is, this women rises above the "say-so". If not, well, I blame her! I mean, it does'nt matter whether he's an otaku or a jock or whatsoever we are all the same. We are all equal. We eat through our mouth an we poop in our butt. That's what my late friend told me.
Why would she stop dating him? Unless she just hates anime there is no reason for her to break up with him. He sounds like his image really isn't in the dirt, just 'cuz your otaku doesn't automatically mean your worth goes down! In fact I am quite loved socially and i am the only otaku i know physically :3
Don't question the awesomeness of Otaku-ness and nerddom, lady! If anything, if one of her main reasons for dating him is that he's "stylish" (WTF?), it sounds to me like she *needs* a little passionate otaku-ness in her life. ¬.¬
Of course, me being a female otaku myself might be coloring my opinion a bit. ^^;
I agree, it sounds more like she's looking for an excuse to dump him. *even after talking about how he takes care of himself* (not like he's using a dakimakura for health reasons, I mean c'mon, now) She's looking more for status, and he's not "good enough, being Otaku" sounds like a Bu115#!t reason to me..... o.O
Maybe an otaku in Japan has a much more deeper meaning than to us outside. ^^; Though if she really loves him she shouldn't bother much about what he does but more on who he is.
If she still can't get over this problem it would be best she left him, instead of regretting later on when their relationship is much more stronger...
She sounds like a shallow person and the relationship wasn't really meaningful to begin with.
This reminds of a Dilbert comic strip in which a woman was quite charmed by Dilbert until he mentioned he's working as an engineer. Then her smile froze and the woman beat a quick retreat.
Seriously, she's over 30, shy, never really been in a relationship, and is concerned her young, stylish and kind boyfriend likes cute figures and moe girls? And the fact that her boyfriend's hobby affects her worth negatively? As if women who date wealthy men are any more worth! A woman's worth is not based on their partner's status. I hope the she and many other women see the example she has made and learn from it. We otaku need some lovin' too!
I understand her situation. Being branded as an otaku can be demeaning, and it has a slightly different connotation here than it is there.
I agree with your post, ahbonk. I guess "image" is now the deciding factor in Japanese society and relationship today, but not wholly though.
Sad to say that some women finally accepts the conception that otakus are the scum of society, yet some otakus are neither bad nor ugly.
Honestly, if a women can't accept you for who you are, the relationship will never last. Same goes to those women who ask their soon-to-be husbands to throw out their Transformers collections, in the TF community.
. . . hmmmm, older woman, younger man . . . here in Cali-4-nyah is no problem-o, woman wouldn't be worried, prolly figure out a way to have menage-a-many with tha dolfies while watching eroge and doing cospla . . . 8P
she's not truly love him. all she care about is only her status.
grow up woman! nobody's perfect.
you're lucky to have an otaku that's have a normal life & psychologicaly normal!
in-fact, if her friend started to talk badly about her being an otaku girlfriend, they are not her friend at all!
branding people is a bad thing to do!
don't judge a book by it's cover! geezzz...what's happen with women nowadays?
I agree my friend...I agree.
Which is why, you should always go for someone who has the same interests as you! Don't judge a person just based on looks and personality. Find out what he/she is into, and if it matches with you, you've hit jackpot.
I for one love Japanese stuff, so if I married a Japanese girl, I think it'd be awesome. Hmm... My parents are not comfortable with inter racial mixing, but... I think they'd be ok if I dated a Japanese girl. I am Korean.... so I think it'd work out... hopefully.
LOL. It sucks though, my university's Japanese population is practically 0%. There are a few, but it's mainly because we're on the East coast, and not the West.
Remember! Interests and personality have to match! Don't judge a person for their looks.
I Totally agreed with you!
Same scenario with any majority group of any given society having a outright negative impression on the minority, who doesn't conform to the same standards. Seems like the normal people do like to become mindless drones of a given norm in their society despite them thinking they are their own indiviuals.
Worse still, they will try to "convert" the minority groups back into the norm of the society so that they will better fit in. I believe we have other normal friends who would do that.
It's funny this woman makes it sound like the large majority of otaku people are not stylish and have no other life interest (music, movies, trends). She sounds like she has big prejudice againts otaku... she talks about otaku like it is an alien race or a disease or something! But has she known any other otaku people in her life before?
I can't blame the guy for not revealing he is an otaku right from the start though, because he was probably afraid of such prejudice. I also don't tell everybody I know that I'm an otaku because anime is associated with "weird" or "childish". It's sad but the world is full of prejudice... hopefully this woman will realize being an otaku is just like any other hobbies. I mean, things could have been a lot worst if she found out her boyfriend is a gang member or part of the mafia or a drug dealer or something.
I just made my boyfriend read this post, as we are in an opposite situation (I'm the otaku). I asked him if he feels worth less to be dating an otaku woman, and he said he takes me as I am. :D
if he managed to keep his otaku status from her for 3 months while she was dating him, i don't see how others would find out that easily, with the exception of visiting their house after their married, and i doubt the guy would purposefully hurt his wife's image by decorating their house with otaku stuff.
I say that the woman really likes this otaku but she is also scared to lose her worth from her friends. Maybe she doesn't think much of the fact that he is an otaku but her friends do and she is scared that they'll leave her if she continues dating him. Woman are (sorry if it sounds stereotypical) social beings. Well, men are too but women are more social. To lose friends is to lose an important part of their life.
If she continues dating the man and her friends shun her for that, then it shows that they are not worthy to be called friends from the beginning. If this happens, then it proves that their friendship exist only to improve each other's image. If she perseveres through this she can proceed to finding true friends that wouldn't judge her the same as her previous friends.
We are all guilty of prejudice. In fact I see some comments here that feature this nature while lambasting the woman for being prejudice herself. Funny world we live in, huh?
"We are all guilty of prejudice. In fact I see some comments here that feature this nature while lambasting the woman for being prejudice herself. Funny world we live in, huh?"
But do we have to stop from being guilty? That is why we must continue to judge (world gives "judge" a bad image) not just because of the world or for them for ourselves as well.
aaaaaiieeeee.....overboard again...please excuse me.
I believe we just have to accept people for what they are. There's no point in criticizing others for who they are or for what they believe in because, just like what M'C said, no one is perfect.
I heard ya. I wish all of us where like that. But the world dissaproves of it nevertheless.
I could type out a wall of text explaining how I feel about this subject, but I'll go ahead and say that it seems to me some people care way too much about what others think of them.
A sad irony but true my friend.
I faced the opposite of this. At this one site, I met a Japanese woman that was 37. I am 33. She asks me if it is okay that she is older than me. I said I was fine with it, seeing how we had other things in common. And then she asks me if I am an otaku. I say "Yes" knowing that it is part of my life, just not all of it.
She then makes conclusions, acting like she'd be forced to live the life of some generic otaku - Namely spending all day playing video games, etc. And before I could say anything in my defense, she dropped me like a bad habit and I never heard from her ever again. (-_-;;
I should of have added that it sounds like she loves him enough to discuss this with others. And I hope the two work things out. (^_^;;